I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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