I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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