My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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