Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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