is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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