I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
