When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
