I wanna passion pit in your ass
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
