I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
