Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
