there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
