girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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