Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize