btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
