i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
