there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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