Don't make out with my wife yet
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
