its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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