the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
