The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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