youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
