ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
