I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
