You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
