Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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