Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
