My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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