he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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