Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize