Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
