apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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