Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
