I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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