I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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