nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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