If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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