gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
