you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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