Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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