Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
