you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
