y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
