Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
