If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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