My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize