every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize