How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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