C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
