I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
