whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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