1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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