I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
