i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Enjoy the penises
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
