how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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