Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
