Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
