the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
