i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
