my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How does one acquire holy water?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
