some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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