I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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