Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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