He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
