She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
