I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
