New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let's get the cat blown out
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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