So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
