who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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