I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
