I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
