I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
