Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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